"cathy i'm lost," i said though i knew she was sleeping

As far back as I can remember, my mother has been obsessed with clothing color analysis. There are certain colors that suit each individual, and these can be separated into four seasonal categories: winter, spring, summer and fall. She had a giant book on it, feeding her fix in great detail.

I am a summer. This meant that I was never allowed to buy any clothing outside the summer palette. The oranges and browns of fall? No. The blacks and whites of winter? NO. (I could get away with some of the spring colors though).

This was never the sort of thing I never really cared about, so I always went along with it. And my mother is very persuasive – "Ohh that is your blue, it brightens your face. You look so good in it," or "No, no, no. You just really can't wear that type of brown."

I remember it was a very real concern for her one summer when she couldn't decide if my sister was a spring or summer. It was like an existential crisis. This Spring color looks good on her, but so does this greenish blue which is clearly Summer.

Eventually she decided that while you're young, your youth will let you get away with some of the colors that you really shouldn't ever wear.

**

Today's Article: Is about a mass death of hyphens. If you don't want to bother reading it, here's the best part: "Another factor in the hyphen's demise is designers' distaste for its ungainly horizontal bulk between words." Ungainly horizontal bulk. Yessss.

And then there's a fellow who hasn't eaten in 75 years. Apparently he "air feeds." (And that's exactly what you think it is.)

Quote of the Day: "Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite."
–C.S. Lewis

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
–Psalm 19:6


Time time time.

There's something to be said for repetition. It's a pretty interesting literary device. One of my Bible profs said that back in the back back day, writers used repetition to spotlight important points. (Perhaps that wasn't exactly how he said it.) I immensely appreciated this information.

Owning knowledge. Reexamining cliches. Embracing ageless consensus. Eating lots of unhealthy food because it tastes really, really good. Smiling at the matrix. Growing plants. Appreciating pauses and peace and effort and acceptance.

**

Everybody says that humans are relational. That relationships are the most important thing in life. That love and being loved is ultimate reality. That selflessness is ultimately more fulfilling. (Which begs the question.)That being alone is a means to improve interactions with others, and not a means unto itself.

But what if that's not what life is about. What if it's actually about nature? Maybe other humans are just this big distraction between ourselves and nature. Land is good, right? It's beautiful, it feeds us, it listens so well. Uncomplicated and consistent. Maybe God wants us to all be separate from each other because we obsess over human relationships instead of Him. Perhaps we're all meant to take a vow of silence and meditate into nothingness on top of a tall mountain in Bhutan, listening to our own heartbeats and feeling the arteries carrying blood to our feet and watching the little hairs on our arms and the lines on our hands and the shape of our legs when our knees are bent.

Supposedly that would have a negative effect on your sanity. But that depends on how you define sanity. And why do we worship sanity, anyways? What's the big deal about delusions and illusions? If they're here, they're a part of existence, so why shun them?

Should people be given a choice if they are 100% going to make the wrong one? 94%? What's the magic number? Do you want the choice if you know you're going to mess it up?

And then you smile and laugh and toss sand at me and I feel peace.