and I can almost put it back together

"Miss Stewart! Dylan said I'm ugly!"

"Miss Stewart, Jessica keeps hitting my butt on purpose!"

"Miss Stewart, Katie called me a brat!"

"Miss Stewart is this the worst day of your life?"

"What's the holocaust?"

"Where's Mt. Figi?"

"Is 'sector' a word?"

"Do you know the "c" word?"

"What does "characteristics" mean?"

"I'm an escaped convict."

"Well I just thought you might be married because my friend's older brother is married and she looks just like you."

In lieu of a single conversation, I thought I'd share some of the most common comments that I field every day.

But Siobhan, your URL is a misnomer. All you talk about is what happens at your place of employment. I thought this was going to be a blog about your inspiration while having scads of free time. I expected literature, news analysis, book reviews, fun quotes, entertaining ideas.

Yeah, well, I didn't expect my homemade bleu cheese dressing to smell like death after a week in the fridge. You don't always get what you expect.

__________

I've been thinking about sexual harassment lately (okay, just today), and I have a fairly reasonable suggestion to help remedy the thousands of years women have been mistreated by men. (After all, Germany is making reparations to Israel, the U.S. is paying off the Japanese internment victims, affirmative action, etc...).

Basically, we (the States) should make it a legal offense to verbally harass women from cars. If a woman can somehow record the harassment, has reliable witnesses (or if the offender is caught by the police), the men in question should be charged a $200 fine, half of which goes to the female in question, and half of which goes to a fund for battered women's shelters. Brilliant, eh? That way we aren't asking men to pay for the crimes of their father's – just their personal crimes.

And to further even out the playing field, women should be encouraged to harass all attractive men. Any good looking guy who gets beeped at should be required by law to strike a pose and wink. (Shirt removal is optional. (Shout out to the prudes.))

Not only would this provide a nice compensation for women who are constantly objectified in other areas of life, but it would put a nice dent in the car hollering business. It's a problem, trust me. I'm not the shiniest marble in the set, but I've been the recipient my fair share of beeping/shouting/screeching (not counting the Middle East. Not quantifiable). Pretty much if you have hair and a purse you'll be bothered at least a couple times during a half hour walk. And I'm sick of providing free entertainment. I'm an American and I refuse to give a free service. (No, Emma Cole. No.)

That is all.