she had a lot on her mind and she didn't see it coming, she was driving way too fast

This Wednesday, one of my students stabbed me with a pencil.

I was going to illustrate this with a clip of The Faculty, a horror movie with Elijah Wood, Josh Harnett, and other notables, wherein there is a particularly gruesome pencil stabbing scene. I couldn't find the clip, but I did find some other weird ones, and I recommend searching "the faculty pencil stabbing scene" on Youtube if you ever want to be disturbed.

Anyways, I told my friend Edmund about it and he asked what I did in retaliation. (Do I really seem that violent?...also, is it okay to punch a kid if you aren't his real teacher?) I explained that it was a six-year-old who didn't speak English and he wasn't trying to stab me – he was going after a gnat. I then got home and told my roommate Rebekah, who simply said, "I've been waiting for you to come home injured."

So there you have it: my friends; encouraging violence and maintaining low expectations.

***
On Thursday, I had a tutoring session which involved me imparting more than English advice. I'm "teaching" a junior high schooler Julius Caesar, which mostly involves acting the play out together and laughing at some of the goofy things Shakespeare has thrown in the script. My student mostly reads his lines in a (fairly decent) British accent – we had discussed what the Romans actually sounded like and decided that we had a closer idea of what Shakespearan actors sounded like than what ancient Romans did, so we went with British English.

When we were done reading, the topic of making a wish at 11:11 came up, and I explained that I touch the clock but don't make a wish. He said he used to make a wish but now he doesn't. I asked why and discovered that, of course, it was because of a girl. His ex used to make wishes on 11:11 and he had joined her (and wished that they were going to have a great relationship or something) and she had mysteriously dumped him over a text a week later. He still doesn't know why. This still seemed to be bothering him (it happened a couple weeks ago) and he kept saying he didn't understand it.

My advice to him? 1) Don't trust girls. 2) Pick better next time. 3) You're young, don't worry about it. 4) I hope the security camera aimed at us doesn't record sound as well as visual.

(Very empathetic, I know. Also, I should probably write an advice book.)

***

And then, Thursday night, I went to the discussion-based history class which I'm auditing. The professor, Dr. L., told us he had been to a wedding the previous weekend and, knowing the nature of the groom, had asked the young man why he had chosen this particular girl as "the one."

He replied with the following reasons:

1) she's hot
2)she comes from a rich family
3)I like spending time with her
4)I really want to have sex with her

The class didn't much care for this fellow's response, and Dr. L. asked what exactly we thought was missing. The female retorts he received included an answer enmeshed in Bible verses and profundity along the lines of "iron sharpening iron" as well as a comment that the groom didn't seem very romantic.

And then there were the guys in the class. Most of them were studiously avoiding the question (a fairly common behavior in a class which has its fair share of outspoken females including a few pseudo feminists.) A couple of them were talking and laughing as the girls flummoxed on about what had been most disturbing about the groom's list. When asked, one of them said that the reasons sounded pretty shallow, but the other pointed out that the groom did say that he enjoyed spending time with her.

Today's Article: Is a Pulitzer Prize winner about a musical experiment. I love love love this piece (it's quite lengthly though.) I don't want to explain – just read it.

Life Lesson: Time expands and shrinks based on deadlines. And procrastinating is a much more efficient way to use your time – if you start projects too early, you'll spend your time in accordance to how much you have of it (ie. waste it while "researching"). It's a much better idea to wait until the last minute and make each minute count.