all the music of the spheres and still it's your voice I hear

Maira: "5th grade math is so hard. I hate it."
me: "Wait 'til you get to 9th grade."
Maira: (rolls eyes) "What grade are you in?"
me: "What grade do you think?"
Maira: "9th?"

This was one of many beautiful conversations I undertook with dozens of seven to 12 year-olds today. Guess I'm not old meatloaf yet, because – yes – I look like a 14-year-old. I know I put the thought in her head, but still.

I'm starting a running tally of enjoyment vs. unemployment, and giving a point to unemployment for this conversation. Current score: Enjoyment 0, Unemployment 1.

Life Lesson: Sarcasm is lost on children. Lost or purposefully ignored. Either way, it's not the best behavioral correction method.

Adolpho (throwing green slimy thing at window): "Can I break the window?"
me: "Yes, Adolpho, I'll give you permission to break the window."
Adolpho: "Sweeet!"
me: (walk away and leave real teachers to deal with him)

Smashing Story: There are "Hitler is still alive" conspiracy theorists out there. Kind of like the Elvis hopefuls but more cynical. My favorite line in this article is: "(This is) the point when Hitler conspiracy theories lose touch with reality altogether." This was referring to a theory that Hitler escaped to a secret Nazi base on the moon using hidden rocket technology. I'm all for a good conspiracy theory, but it needs to be plausible enough to really annoy someone in an argument.

Funky Word: Calumny. It means slander (and so does traducement, apparently.) This word is a pain to say, but interesting to write.

______________________________________________

Something that is fun to do with children is play Taboo. I'll never forget playing countless Taboo games with my cousins and Aunt in Boerne, Texas.

Auntie B: (frantically trying to get my cousin Bridey to guess the right word). Okay, when mommy goes on road trips, she gets really unhappy unless she has...?"
Bridey: Cymbalta!
Auntie B: (faintly horrified) No!

Oh yes, that was priceless.

screwed up eyes and screwed down hairdo

This was not the picture I envisioned accompanying this blog entry. I was looking through my photos for a picture of kids getting up to mischief, and this one made me laugh so I chose it instead. (It took us a looong time to get her up. Ah, coordination.)

Life Lesson: If you haven't been around kids for a while, you forget what they're like.

They aren't human. They're going through a very carefully structured, society-friendly program to teach them how to become human. But until then, they are visitors, newbies, aliens, who are intrigued by the world around them and often don't pick up on social cues. When you meet a rude/bizarre adult, he/she obviously didn't have the rigorous training necessary for entering the world of humans.

To illustrate the importance of child training, I was going to retell the story of a couple who only taught their baby klingon and had it taken away by Social Services (which I sympathize with, as this frequently happened to me on SIMS). I couldn't find the story online, apparently it was some sort of prevarication/myth. (If it's not on GoogleNews, it didn't happen, right?) So I've linked it to a different, equally bizarre, klingon occurence.

Funky Word: Perfidious. It means "treacherous/disloyal," according to Barron's GRE book. Snape's diabolical action was perfidious in every sense of the word. (Go read book 6 and 7 to check veracity).

Smashing Story: A carrier pigeon is faster than internet in South Africa. Basically they tied a data card to a pigeon's leg and sent it to another city, where the information on the card was downloaded. The entire pigeon process took a couple hours (including an hour of flight). Telkom, the internet carrier, had only downloaded 4 percent of the information in this timespan. (This story is a couple weeks old...but so entertaining.)

Quote of the Day:
Joon: He can really cook, can't he?
Benny: Uh, yeah. Although for grilled cheese, I mighta used a wool setting.
Joon: That's what I told him.
Benny: Really? What-what did he use?
Joon: Rayon.
Benny: Mm.
Joon: Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have...
Benny: Would have burned it.
Joon: Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it.

–Benny and Joon

This was after a scene where Sam, a quirky Johnny Depp character, makes grilled cheese sandwiches with an iron. It's a terrific movie.


I just realized I never completed my thoughts on children. Basically, two of my roommates are elementary ed majors doing their student hours, I've been volunteering with kids at a local school, and we've all been coming home with "guess what" stories.

Guess what Adolpho did yesterday? He told Ricardo that his (Ricardo's) mom "jiggles." Some sort of "your mom" joke variation? These 4th graders make comments like this and I always want to laugh. I told Adolpho, as sternly as I could, that his joke was inappropriate.

I just need a stick.

you smile like a saint

Smashing Story: Apparently a man sued Bank of America for 1,784 billion, trillion dollars. That's a lot of money--once it gets past a billion it's almost too abstract to fully understand. So I love that he's so specific. I would have been happy with 1 billion trillion dollars, but hey--it's the principle of the matter.

Today's Funky Word: Crapulous. It means "given to or characterized by gross excess in eating or drinking." What a great word. It rhymes with fabulous and completely fits its definition.

Today's Quote: "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." --Plato

I feel dishonorable because I pulled this quotation off a site and therefore have no context to explain it. Undoubtedly he's talking about mankind's dissuasion toward philosophy (he harps on about that a lot), but I like it in terms of faith, truth and understanding.

I've been thinking about writing a story that has a tree house as a significant part in it, and I did a little prelim research and found this site.

Aren't those the coolest ever?

Yesterday was the first diamond in my mining for jobs. Alright, so that was a dodgy analogy--they have to start unused before they can spread like H1N1. (yeah, that one might never catch on).

Basically, I actually got an interview, which is the third one I've had in my three weeks of hunting. And at the interview, something even more amazing happened: they liked me! It was only for a small tutoring job, but I'm a terrible interviewee (see top picture), so this was huge progress.

some dance to forget

Apparently biff is the new bff. How does this make me feel? Old. Yes. But that's how high school girls refer to their best friends now. I wonder if Ugg boots are out too.

I don't need to dance to forget (see title) because I'm pretty sure I'm entering a stage of life that'll fade my memories like unscrapbooked flower petals. My roommate Jess and I have an ongoing joke about the last year of beauty. There has to be a last one, and we're nervous that it might be 22.

Me: "22 could be the last year of beauty. What hot 23 year-olds can you think of?"
Jess: "..."

What a marvelous illustration that was. But seriously, in the past week I was called elderly (by a professor talking to freshmen), I overheard a conversation about 23 year-olds being too old
and I listened as my sister Hannah (hi!) freaked out when she suddenly realize I wasn't 20. (And really, the math on that one isn't hard. I've always been four years older). It doesn't help that I work with a bunch of elementary school kids who have no gauge for age and probably think I'm in my 40's.

This all has to do with unemployment because there's nothing like an overload of free time to give perspective on how fast life goes. I know that sounds paradoxical, but it's true. When you're really busy and working hard, you don't realize life is passing you by until it's gone.

When you're sitting at home all day, you have hours to reflect on the nature of time. (Time wasted? You tell me).

On my last post I got a request by Hannah (hi!) to do a rant on "silly Disney girls" or some such similar epithet. She wants me to complain about how they make scads of dough off of minimal talent when thousands of people are unemployed. As much as I want to please and appease my readers (all 3 of you:)), I cannot do this rant because I disagree with the principle.

I'm not going to complain if Disney has tapped into a way to sell their stars like products. On the other hand, I am bothered that Americans have chosen to idolize these semi-talented starlets in lieu of really genuine talent. Honestly though, if nothing else, those kids have charisma. I would rather rant about Bernie Madoff (actually I wouldn't, but you get the point).

Today's Funky Word: Potentate. It means monarch or sovereign. (thanks Barron's GRE book!) I think I would be quite the impressive potentate. Maybe I'll pull a Grace Kelly. Although I think it's already been tried (but his looks were too sad).

Today's Life Lesson: According to Wikipedia, the phrase "Stone broke" refers to a "craftsman's stone bench being broken if he failed to pay his debts. (Robert L. Shook, The Book of Why, 1983)" It sounds made up, but if it's on Wikipedia it must be true. (wiki and oprah = infallible.)

Today's Quote: "It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
--Oscar Wilde, The Model Millionaire.

And Wilde quote number two:

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

Wilde is simply too clever. I was actually looking for a quote of his from "The Picture of Dorian Gray" that I loved, but I couldn't find it. It was on the tragedy of old age. I think I'll have to go re-read the book.

My Unemployment Video. Hire me.

FUNemployment from Siobhan Stewart on Vimeo.

And they were all yellow

I've realized, somewhat belatedly, that titling my blog url "the unemployed college grad" could turn into a horrid self-fulfilling prophecy and I might never ever get a job.

On the other hand, if I do get a job, then this blog will be a lie and I will have to discontinue it or write a disclaimer at the bottom of every post. Life gets surprisingly complicated for the unemployed...

If you've read my other blog, you'll know that I'm really big on lists. Today I made a list of things you don't realize are painfully overpriced until you're unemployed.

List of things you don't realize are painfully overpriced until you're unemployed
--batteries
--meat
--nuts
--starbucks
--disneyland food
--laundry
--deodorant
--cheese
--milk
--girlscout cookies
--jeans
--gas
--pastries
--pianos
--cars
--nuclear powerplants

(Feel free to suggest additions to my list)

Life Lesson for Today: Rubios Taco Tuesdays! Seriously, I have no affiliation whatsoever with Rubios, but I will forever sing the praises of their fish tacos. And on Tuesdays, their fish tacos are half off. At only 1.25 a taco, you're getting quality that surpasses all other fast food, at a price that is incredibly user-friendly to an incomeless college grad. Or anyone.

Today's Funky Word: Ambrosial. It means "extremely pleasing to the senses; divine; delicious," according to a site I found. I love this word because it actually sounds tasty to me and I love it when words agree with their meanings. (There must be a word for that--any help?) Also, I used to read a book series about Merlin which were amazing, and there was a wonderful sounding bread named ambrosia that Merlin came across. It was one of those fictional entities that you come across and are devastated when you realize it only exists on paper/in your head. (like Jude Law) (That was for my sister Hannah.)


Today's Quote: "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent."
–Victor Hugo (author of Les Miserables)

I thought that was a beautiful quote. I've been feeling musically starved lately (as far as creating/ listening to live music goes) and I will gladly accept any piano donations. (This photo is musical to me)

Shout out to Courtonio – "I hope you dance" comes on the radio here all the time and I think of your mom. I know that's kind of like a shout out to your mom, but your mom makes me think of you:)

Shout out to Marthalemieu – I miss you and your foreign candies.

No one ever said it would be this hard

It happens: You stand up slowly, savoring the moment. There is a line of people before and behind you, a multitude of caps and gowns surrounding you, but somehow it seems like it's all about you. This is your moment. The culmination of years of studying, griping, laughing, working--it was all for this: a three minute walk to center stage, a handshake, a photo, and a piece of paper.

That day and the days following it, people slap you on the back, hand you money, tell you you're a star and that you can reach the stars. Nobody mentions the recession. Nobody brings up the exponential increase in newspaper deaths across the nation. And no one, no one tells you what unemployment is like.



Alright, I'm good. I like to get dramatic sometimes, and now it's out of my system. I've actually talked to people who really enjoyed their time of unemployment. Note: these are people who are currently employed and looking back with the rosy lenses of nostalgia. 2nd Note: These are also people who are rich.

I recently shot a video of the "Five Stages of Unemployment" which I'll post on here after it's edited. It goes through the different stages of unemployment, from blind optimism to lying, apathy and despair.

No, but it's not all bad. I know I'll be dedicating a lot of posts to what I like about the mobility and excitement of being jobless. The La Times even did an article about the funemployed--unemployed 20's somethings who looove the stress free lifestyle. These people are having a grand old time.

One girl says: "I feel like I've been given a gift of time and clarity," and many of them spend their days at the beach.

So yes, it's not terrible and I really am enjoying myself most of the time. BUT: California's unemployment rate is the fourth highest in the country and is at its highest in 70 years.

The only plus side? I argued endlessly with my little sister, trying to get her to come to college in California. She chose Michigan. Well, guess which state has the highest unemployment rate in our union? That's right, Michigan. Yes. Yes, that's right. And they all feel like Miss Dustbowl on the left here.

Oh, and you know what else? The unemployed in Michigan aren't funemployed. Because it's too cold to go to the beaches there.

A very good place to start

The dealio: I'm a recent college grad with scads of free time because I'm very, very unemployed. I've created this blog to chronicle my (non)adventures as I job hunt and find untelevised ways to focus my time.

My topics will range from random, to reader-inspired, to job/careery.

Life Lesson for today: How to pronounce the name Siobhan. How do you pronounce Siobhan? Simple, it's "Shi vaun." Most of the time I tell people it's pronounced like the material chiffon, except with a "v" sound instead of an "f." Turns out folks are less tailor friendly than you'd think--many haven't heard of chiffon, so I have an image here:


It's a sheer fabric that can be made from lots of different types of materials.
check:

The Fashion Blog

Anyways, the name Siobhan is Irish Gaelic, and I'm biding the time until I can move to Ireland for a couple of years just so I don't have to deal (people have moved for worse reasons) with blank stares, requests to spell it, and, my favorite: "But that's a black person's name."

Today's funky word: Sybarite. Sybarite means "lover of luxury," according to my Barron's GRE book. Kind of similar to an epicurean, except a little more hedonistic. Sorry, I know that's a lot of Greek:)

Today's quote: "Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator."

Niiiice, right?