Arkansas Arkansas, I just love old Arkansas...

Yes, this post's title is real lyrics. Big River, freshman year, Drew someone or other with medium blond hair and a lilt to his skip.

I was looking up what people from Arkansas were called (yes, I was having a moment – but consider Connecticut. People should think these things out before they slap on any old name (original Cherokee or not. which, in this case, I think not.)) But I deviate.

Anyways, I typed in "What are people" and the Google prompt immediately offered me a million ways to end the phrase, completely distracting me (as usual). Google is not very ADD friendly. Start typing "Why can't" and suggestion #2 is "Why can't I own a Canadian?" – anyone with a sense of curiosity is going to click on that over whatever metaphysical question he/she was originally wondering.

So, on my Arkansas hunt, Google's first suggestion was "What are people looking for?" I marveled at the gutsiness of the search engine in tackling such a profound life issue. Visions of Google Philosophy – all your questions answered – danced in my head. After all, if anything knows everything, it's Google (along with Oprah and my father).


Google Philosophy: At GP, we know life can be confusing. There are so many philosophers out there, but who has the time to read them or the degree to understand them? Rousseau, Hume, Hegel, Hobbes, Kant, Plato, Descartes, Kierkegaard – their names are often foreign and unwieldy, akin to Santa's reindeer, not real people.

This world is complicated enough, why exacerbate it by slogging through old people's writings? That's why GP has sifted through four thousand of the greatest philosophers and hand-picked their best thoughts, combining them into the ultimate bite-sized life philosophies. Every query is answered in one simple, fully linked paragraph.

Or you can just watch this video:




This post has turned into quite a jumbled mess of words. I would like – nay, love – to describe it as esoteric, but I think "deviant" would be far more appropriate. When the garrulity of my verbal expression seeps into my writing, problems always arise. Namely, I lose any sense of coherency and have been rejected by my organizational medium. (Not a witch, though that would be interesting. Ultimate PA)

But seriously, why can't I own a Canadian?