My blogging buddy, Emma Cole, recently linked an article from Psychology Today (which she apparently still reads obsessively) about introverts and extroverts.
The two main ideas that struck me were 1) reaction time and 2) internal monologues. I'm working on a story from the 1st person perspective of a 20 something girl, and judging by her internal monologue, she's definitely an introvert.
I thought the reaction time concept was interesting; apparently introverts would rather have a period of time to think so that they have something polished and thoughtful to say. Extroverts generally react immediately.
Best picture in the world.
In my experience, this reaction time theory varies by situation and person. Many of the introverts I have known have given me immediate responses to questions/comments in conversations. Maybe in one-on-one conversations they feel less pressure to think through everything (or they're just more on the spot?) Or perhaps this is only the case when it's a topic they have previously thought through? Or if it's a topic that isn't difficult or mind-bending?
Also, as an extrovert, I admit that my reactions are often immediate, verbal, and rapid. But not always. If it's a conversation about something I haven't really thought about, I generally prefer to listen – I don't like processing new information on the spot. In fact, I'm really bad at it. So is that simply me, an extrovert, displaying some of my introverted qualities? How many introverted qualities am I allotted before I'm considered to be functioning as one? And when my introverted friends are talking away, fully engaging externally, are they displaying their extroverted qualities? Or are they just being chatty introverts (who will be drained later that evening)?
There I go, packaging everybody up into boxes again:) Stereotyping can be useful to get an initial grasp of someone, but if it starts out harmful it might be more damaging than useful (Ie. Extroverts have less depth. Introverts don't like people as much)– I much prefer to assume the best and be proven wrong.
I love getting to the end of thoughts and conversations like this because I go all Ecclesiastes: None of it actually matters. Philosophy - changing anything? And yet I'm so drawn to it.
Favorite part of the article:
Even a simple opener of "Hello, how are you? Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about X," from anyone can challenge an introvert. Rather than bypassing the first question or interrupting the flow to answer it, the introvert holds onto the question: Hmm, how am I? (An internal dialogue begins, in which the introvert "hears" herself talking internally as the other person speaks.)
Even if the introvert responds, "I'm good," she's probably still reflecting on how she is: Good? That's not quite right. I really have had a pretty crummy day, but there isn't a quick way to explain that. She wants to first work out privately her thoughts and judgment about the day. She also may evaluate the question itself: I hate that we so often just say 'good' because that's the convention. The other person doesn't really want to know. She may even activate memories of how the question has struck her in the past.
– Revenge of the Introvert, Psychology Today
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This internal monologue cracked me up. It's the type of thing I might think/write/talk about later, but to rabbit trail like that in the middle of a conversation – it would drive me crazy. And possibly make me really, really insecure.
So: Small Talk Question of the Blog: What do you generally think about when you're by yourself? Do you relive memories/conversations? Do you worry about what you're doing? Do you think about how you're feeling? Do you think through theories and ideas? Do you avoid thinking and look for stimulation?
5 comments:
best picture in the world indeed!
That's interesting... I think though, that of course that titling people by introvert or extrovert is not always correct... like you said, sometimes we display qualities of both. I think are extreme extroverts and extreme introverts.
At night, when I'm trying to fall asleep, I generally mull over the day I've just completed. I'm usually annoyed that I didn't think of the "perfect" thing to say in a conversation or that I should've said "hi" to this person, or should've used my time more wisely...
Also, once I have just had an in depth conversation with someone, I usually come away from it, reliving it and wondering if it really went the way I thought it did and if we really both understood each other.
ok, longgg comment.... sorry! :D
(it's interesting because usually once I've read your post I like to write a comment right away.... I wonder if the introverts who read it like to think about their comments for a while before posting.)
BLURG YOU FOR GETTING PHILOSOPHICAL!
Llama, I pretty much comment right away too. Actually I was thinking Bhannie...maybe so many introverts can react right away because we've had to adapt to a predominantly extrovert culture? I also think it depends on how extreme your intro/extroversion is on the spectrum. For me though, I'd say two things: 1. I remember there being times years ago when I felt pressure to always answer immediately in conversations, and I gradually learned how to come up with answers more quickly (but they've become generic comments rather than me responding with my own thoughts). 2. It's easier to respond faster when it's not a deep subject (e.g. What kind of icecream do you want? vs. Why did you tell me you wished I would die?).
Llams: I LOVE that you always answer my small talk question of the blog:)
Chantel: I'm thinking you should start a blog. Yes.
Em: Why did you tell me you wished I would die?
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