Belonging. That's what everyone is looking for, just ask Disney. Their cartoons are filled with characters searching for a sense of place, somewhere to fit in – a desire to belong. Hercules, perhaps, is the most blatant in this theme, with its title character singing, "I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong." But they all have it: Simba cannot escape his destiny, Arielle is tired of her underwater world, Mulan tries the cross-dressing thing, and Belle yearns for "something more than this provincial life."
It's conflict, it's a plot point, I get it. The story can't start at perfection, because there will nowhere for the character to go; no way to grow. But the plot doesn't need to be centered around a need to belong; there is plenty of potential conflict for characters satisfied with their placement both emotionally and physically. So why is this such a prevalent theme in Disney cartoons? It sells. Why does it sell? Because it connects. It resonates.
The idea of a search for belonging particularly resonates with youth, especially those who have not settled on a career, spouse, or even location. Unwilling to commit, unwilling to settle until they find their ideal position/situation: a Disneylike quest for "where they belong."
Robin Marantz Hening wrote an NYT piece on this trend, and Don Miller also had some words on the subject. Oh, and I have about a million friends going through this phase; it's real, I promise.
Donc, welcome to America of 2010. We have 20 somethings involved in a generational-wide identity avoidance, 30 somethings who are recovering from their 20 somethings phase, 40 somethings who are having their midlife crises, and everyone is convinced that Obama is now Muslim. (Okay so only 18%, but it's been making headlines.)
Back to belonging. I think that we've all been glimpses of perfection, of the world to come, and will never have a true sense of belonging until then.
"Much on earth is concealed from us, but in place of it we have been granted a secret, mysterious sense of our living bond with the other world, with the higher heavenly world, and the roots of our thoughts and feelings are not here but in other worlds. That is why philosophers say it is impossible on earth to conceive the essence of things. God took seeds from other worlds and sowed them on this earth, and raised up his garden; and everything that could sprout sprouted, but it lives and grows only through its sense of being in touch with other mysterious worlds; if this sense is weakened or destroyed in you, that which has grown up in you dies. Then you become indifferent to life, and even come to hate it. So I think."
-- The Brothers Karamazov
BUT, in the meantime, here are some thoughts:
1) Except in extreme circumstances, internal contentment has little to do with external location. (Hercules learned this the hard way.)
2) There is peace to be found in accepting that there will be constant striving; the journey doesn't end until death.
3) It's okay to be uncertain about a lot of things, if you're certain about the right things. (Don't remember where I got that from.)
4) Smile at strangers.
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My brother has suggested that maybe we've got it all wrong and everyone is simply on a quest for a giant bowl.
My father went through an 'everyone is looking for entertainment' phase.
And of course, the whole "All you need is love" thing has been big with hippies, rockstars, and Evangelicals alike. Too bad people can't seem to agree on a definition: though I suppose it's easier to sell as a panacea when it remains a hazy ideal that everyone has sensed in one way or another.
"Love will save you. Will save our world. I'm not really sure what it is, but I've had a taste of it and I know it's worthwhile." That sort of thing.
"What is love" is the second Google suggestion when you type in "What is." No. 1? "What is my IP." Two most important questions in life? I think so.
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There is a book on our shelf here titled "How to raise a healthy child in spite of your doctor." My mother has always had a very acute acceptance of the fallibility of doctors.
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